The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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