I got chris browned last night
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
