the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
