I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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