Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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