Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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