i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
