Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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