I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
