He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
