Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Quick, to the slutcave!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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