im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
