i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
