I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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