I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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