Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
