I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
