The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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