he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
