I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
