Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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