Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize