help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm having to shit out rocks
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