did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
