I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
