you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
