I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
