Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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