I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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