I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A bitchslap is in order.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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