apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
