Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize