i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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