Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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