you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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