i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This is the high leading the old right now
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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