Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
