I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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