Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
