Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just gift wrapped bread.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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