My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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