it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
