i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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