Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
