we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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