your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
