so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
