i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
