what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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