Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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