I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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