Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your penis caused this!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
