She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
