I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
