I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
