can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
