This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
