So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
