shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
