I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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