Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
