I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
