I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
