We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
