i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
