He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
