It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Congratulations! We have a period
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