it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
