Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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