"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
