I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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