you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
