Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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